Sunday, November 07, 2004

Devil Likes UnDivine Lavigne. Or: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Deny Satan's Temptation


Yesterday I had to dragon kick a young girl touring the White House when she pointed to my wife and said, "She looks like Avril Lavigne's mom."

This I simply cannot stand. My beautiful wife Laura looks more like Jerry Springer than she does anyone related to Avril "I'm Just a Singer" Lavigne, the atrocious rebel youth who denies the existence of God and flaunts her bum on magazine covers. She is in cahoots with The Satan to corrupt the youth of America through her music videos such as "Sk8er Boi" (notice how she's trying to be real bad and uncomformativistic by making up new words and changing oldish ones).

Make no mistake about it: Avril Lavigne is the Devil, and she will to hell for what she has done, and because she is the Devil, I'm sure she'll like it alot and have some good decorating ideas seeing how she's a girl. But just because she is a girl does not mean she is not evil. She called me on national television a "scrubby nurf-burger." (Note: This is unconfirmed, but knowing that she's the Devil, she probably did it.)

Worst came to worse when I saw an old man buying a magazine copy of Avril Magazine. (Dick Cheney's Note: There is no such thing as Avril Magazine, Georgey must be going blind.) I drop-kicked the old man buying the magazine. I was positive he was taking it home with him to drool over it and give himself The Devil's Self Pleasure.

Okay, so it turns out it was a gift for his grandkids and he was recovering from cancer radiation and back surgery -- so what? He deserved what I opened on him (which was a big can of Jesus Whoop-Butt) because he was paying money for something that was The Devil.

Remember: Everything is The Devil and The Satan, so instead of buying stuff, you should just back yourself into a corner and wait to die and, if you're lucky, go to Heaven and not Hell.


President Bush


Blogger rancette said...


Plus Avril is Canadian. What right does she have to talk about you that way?

November 8, 2004 at 2:12 PM  

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