Monday, November 15, 2004

Have You Got the Wiggles? Take My Advice and Tell Them to Go Back to Hell Where They Came From!

I like to listen to music and dance the jiggy. I admit it. But ONLY if it’s good Christian music and ONLY if I’m in the mood. Don’t be giving me none of that M&M’s music or Britney Spears. She wanted to do singing at my Republican center place, but I told her no because she plays The Satan’s music, which is evil.

Let me tell you else who likes to play The Satan’s music a lot. You’ve probably heard their names before. They’re four homosexualistic men who wear bright clothing and flaunt their bodies around alot pretending to sing “Christian” music. But I know better.

They call themselves “The Wiggles,” but they should be called “The Evils.”

Let me tell you why.

Here are the words to their song, “Fruit Salad”:


Fruit salad...Yummy, yummy. Fruit salad…Yummy, yummy. Fruit salad…Yummy, yummy. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, fruit salad


Let’s make some fruit salad today, its fun to do it’s a healthy way. Take all the fruit that you want to eat, it’s gonna be a fruit salad treat. “The first step,” peel your bananas. “The second step,” toss in some grapes. “The third step,” chop up some apples, chop up some melons, and put them on your plate.


Now we’ve made it its time to eat it, it tastes so good that you just can’t beat it. Give everyone a plate and a spoon; we’ll all be eating it very soon. “The first step,” eat up the banana. “The second step,” eat up some grapes. “The third step,” eat up some apples, eat the melons, now there’s nothing on your plate.


Now we’ve had our fruit salad today, it’s time to put the scraps away. Wash the bowls and wash the spoon, let’s do it all again real soon.


Fruit salad…Yummy, yummy. Fruit salad…Yummy, yummy. Fruit salad…Yummy, yummy. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, fruit salad. Fruit salad…Yummy, yummy.


Now, you might think it’s just a pleasant song about eating a bowl of fruit salad. Right? WRONG! With lyrics like “peel the banana” and “eat the banana” and “yummy yummy” and “put the scraps away” and “clean off the plate” and “lick it clean” and "beat it," it’s clear they are drawing illusions to nothing other than THE SATAN’S BABY-MAKING ACT!!!! (Commonly referred to in dirty places as “the sex.”) Most specifically, the mouth-kind of “the sex” where people do really gross stuff like Bill Clinton and Monica Leuwinksky.

I’m sure The Wiggles would like us to think that this is normal, but it is not. Sure, I’ve listened to the song and I’ll admit that I felt the sudden urge to jump up onto the top of my desk and dance the jig all night long, but then I realized it was just The Satan invading my brain through the musical instruments so I threw my shoe at my stereo and stopped the music. (Dick Cheney’s Editorialistic Note: He actually struck me with his shoe, and I fell backwards and crashed into the stereo. He said it was an accident, but he kept laughing a lot when it happened, so I think he did it on purpose.)

I wouldn't be surprised if Michael Moore, Bill Clinton and Oprah Winfrey were all The Wiggles in disguise trying to pollute our youth!

Here's a picture of them. Notice how the middle one looks alot like Bill Clinton, and the one on the right looks just like Oprah? (Or as I call her, Mrs. Real Fat Blackey?)

WARNING! DO NOT LOOK AT THIS PICTURE UNLESS YOU ARE OVER THE AGE OF 40, ARE BLIND IN BOTH EYES OR WEAR BRACES (which have special anti-devil-evil magnets that repel evilness from entering our brains)

The one on the left doesn't really look like Michael Moore that much but he could have had lots of the plastic surgery like in that way-cool movie Face/Off! (I didn't believe anything I saw in that movie, but then the director John Cusack told me it really happened. Wow!)

The Wiggles are played by four men with mental disorders who dance around alot and wear real fruity clothing. The one man, a Chinese fellow who I call Chum-Chum, wears pink sweaters all the time and smiles real big at the camera. He gives me nightmares a lot. He looks like Jackie Chan, only even scarier. And he’s real short like a midget, and he’s hairy like a monkey. That’s the reason I named him Chum-Chum.

The Wiggles are also real scary and evil because they talk like Russell Crowe. Russell Crowe doesn't like me, so anyone who sounds like him should definitely die because I auto-matically hate them.


The Wiggles give me nightmares on a regular basus and some of their songs really scare me alot. Like in the one they start dancing with an evil pirate. It appears to be a nice pirate with a bird on his shoulder -- but that's just what The Satan wants us to think. Because there are no good pirates, and no "nice" pirates for shure. Pirates are all evil Devils who go around killing and having the sex with people and killing and eating skin. They are gross!! And their teeth smell real bad. (I know because Laura used to be a pirate, and when she kissed me I threw up in her mouth. Actually I don't think she was a pirate but she used to laugh like one alot, and sometimes she would carry around a purse that looked alot like a sword, before my throw-up acid burned her mouth and she stopped laughing funny. That's why she always talks weird now!)


If you ever hear The Wiggles, (a.k.a. The Satan's Evil Homosexualistic Perverts) I suggest you immediately burn their CD. In fact, I command you to do so. If you don’t, I’ll have you killed. And that’s an order.

Have a good day! (Unless you’re one of the Wiggles.)


- George Bush


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I fucking hate the Wiggles. They are the devil. Great essay, Mr. President.


- Colin's Powell, Secretary of Your Office (P.S. Dick's Cheney sent you a phone call)

November 15, 2004 at 2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr president, our dream has come true:

Conddie Rise

November 23, 2004 at 9:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are f*** freak Mr.President, dressing to be like one. I bet the man behind you is the real evil. Look at the mirror.

April 24, 2006 at 5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leave the wiggles alone! You want to see the devil look in the fucking mirror asshole. give us back our health care and our troops.

April 26, 2007 at 3:01 AM  

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