Friday, November 05, 2004

"Moore" is Less!

Michael Moore is a fat bogus diddy dongbat. I don't know if "diddy" or "dongbats" are words, but darnit, I'm the President. I can do whatever the heck I darned well want to. So from here on out, gosh darn it to heck, "diddy" is a word (a verbal) and "dongbats" is a word, too (a plural adjectivaty). I almost became a teacher when I was younger, but now I'm glad I didn't, because I can actually make up words and help children suceed in skool in stead.

But anyway, I was talking about Michael Moore. Yeah. You know what he called me once? A fascist. Can you believe that? I don't know anything about fascism, every time my wife asks me if I like furniture, clothes or curtains I say, "How the heck should I know?" Plus, I'm not fruity -- all fascits are fruity. Those guys on that awful, perverse TV show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy are fascists. Not President George W. Bush. No sir.

Michael Moore just likes to make stupid lies about me, that's all he does: lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. His new "movie" documentary that came out, Fahrenheit 9/11, showed posters with me holding hands with him.

I never held hands with Michael Moore. If I did, I'd chop off my hand because no doubt his infectious fat germs would spread from his chubby palms into mine.

By the way, that reminds me -- from here onwards, I am replacing the word "fat" in dictionaries with "Michael Moore." So when you see some fat tub of lard walking down the street, you don't say, "Hey, that [insert bad word here] is fat," you say: "Hey, that [insert bad word here] is Michael Moore!"

Hahahaha, I can't believe I only thought of this now.

If you're still not convinced that Michael Moore is a big tub of Michael Moore, let me tell you other things he did:

- He called me a nurf-burger.

- He took a poo-poo on my front porch of the White House. (Note: This is unconfirmed, but he was in Washington D.C. at the time, and my two security guards noticed a very Michael Moore man fleeing the scene of the poop shortly thereafter. And gosh darn it, for some reason they forgot to tell me about it and when I went outside to breathe in some fresh air I accidentally stepped in it. Took me a whole week to clean it off my shoes! Darn you Michael Moore!)

- His documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 is all lies! I don't have any statistics to show you, but from me to you, I can only give you my word of honor -- they're lies! All of them! Plus, Mr. Blackey told me that Michael Moore digitally altered things in his so-called "documentary." Well well well, NOW who's lying to America, Mr. Moore? From here on out, I'm replacing the word "b*stard" and "traitor" with Michael Moore. So if you see a fat person walking down the street and he is a traitor, you say, "That Michael Moore is a Michael Moore!" Or, if it is Michael Moore, you can say for some extra fun, "Michael Moore is a Michael Moore Michael Moore." (Translation: Michael Moore is a fat traitor.)

- He brainwashed his daughter into thinking I'm evil. I honestly don't know why, but when I met her one day on the set of his documentary (which I was, at the time, contrary to popular belief, not throwing water balloons and paint cans at), she pulled out a .38 on me and kicked me in the testicles.

Now, is that the kind of husband and father who deserves any ounce of respect?

Michael Moore is a Michael Moore, and that's all there is to it. If you don't agree with me, I'll order you to be hanged for high Michael Moore (interpretation: treason) because it means you're a big meanie.

- George Bush


Blogger George Walker Bush said...

LOL. That's the funniest thing I've EVER read. Whoever created this is a fvcking genius. One joke after another! It's better than Maddox has become lately, and he was never brave enough to imitate someone as famous as the President. Keep it up!

DICK CHENEY'S NOTE: George W. Bush wrote this to promote himself.

November 5, 2004 at 3:43 PM  

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